G\u00fcne\u015fimin do\u011fmaya cesaret edemedi\u011fi,\u00a0utan\u0131p s\u0131k\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir\u00a0g\u00fcnde g\u00f6zlerin,\u00a0i\u00e7imi\u00a0\u0131s\u0131t\u0131rcas\u0131na bana\u00a0g\u00fcl\u00fcmsettiler<\/b>\u00a0ve\u00a0\u201cg\u00fcn hepimize\u00a0de\u00a0ayd\u0131n olsun\u00a0art\u0131k\u201d\u00a0o zaman dedi.\u00a0Buna \u015fa\u015f\u0131ran,\u00a0neden bana\u00a0\u201c\u00f6mr\u00fcm diyorsun\u201d\u00a0dedi.\u00a0\u00d6mr\u00fcm demek ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131 adamakt\u0131r,\u00a0onunla\u00a0var\u00a0<\/b>olmakt\u0131r, sayg\u0131n\u0131n dolu\u00a0dolu,\u00a0sayg\u0131n\u0131n ve s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z sevginin tarifidir bu kelime.<\/p>\n
\u00a0Dedi\u00a0ki,\u00a0belki\u00a0de \u00f6mr\u00fcm boyunca s\u00f6ylemek istediklerime yak\u0131\u015f\u0131k alacak birisi kar\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0131kmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7indir.\u00a0\u0130\u00e7imde\u00a0b\u00fcy\u00fcyen,\u00a0kendi kendine serpilen,\u00a0o ma\u011faran\u0131n i\u00e7indeki y\u0131lan\u0131n s\u00f6zleridir bunlar ne dersin?\u00a0Hem\u00a0sen bendeki t\u00fcm g\u00fczelliklerin kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 de\u011fil\u00a0misin?\u00a0T\u00fcm zevklerim t\u00fcm renklerim t\u00fcm\u00a0sevin\u00e7lerim senden olu\u015fmuyor\u00a0mu?\u00a0Ben haritas\u0131nda sadece senin g\u00f6zlerin g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u00fcyor mu?\u00a0Senden \u00f6ncesini silip\u00a0atabilecek kadar sava\u015f\u00e7\u0131yd\u0131m ben. Yalans\u0131z talans\u0131z ve incitmesiz bir\u00a0hik\u00e2yeyi yazmaya and\u00a0i\u00e7medik\u00a0mi biz,\u00a0g\u00f6zlerimizle birbirimize bakarken.<\/b><\/p>\n
\u00d6mr\u00fcms\u00fcn o zaman!<\/p>\n
Ne uzat\u0131yorsun, neyin miras\u0131d\u0131r \u00fcle\u015fmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u00a0senin.<\/p>\n
Beni korkutuyorsun bu c\u00fcmlelerinle.\u00a0Sana de\u011fil o c\u00fcmlelere lay\u0131k\u00a0olamamaktan\u00a0korkuyorum. Asl\u0131nda\u00a0\u00e7ok basit bir i\u015f herkesin alt\u0131ndan kalkabilece\u011fi bir\u00a0sorumluluk,\u00a0yevmiyeli i\u015f\u00e7i misali i\u015fini yapan\u0131 al.\u00a0Bu \u015fekilde\u00a0yorumlanacak ama hakk\u0131ndan ziyade\u00a0hat\u0131r\u0131n\u0131 vermekten korkan\u00a0insanlar\u0131n elinin de\u011fil y\u00fcre\u011finin kavrulaca\u011f\u0131 bir\u00a0zanaat bu.\u00a0Korkuyorum,\u00a0\u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc benim adanm\u0131\u015fl\u0131k gibi bir\u00a0amac\u0131m oldun sen zamanla.<\/p>\n
Hep soras\u0131m geliyor,\u00a0\u015fimdiye kadar nerelerdeydin?<\/p>\n
\u00a0Beni o s\u00f6zc\u00fcklerin b\u00fcy\u00fcl\u00fc ve \u0131\u015f\u0131lt\u0131l\u0131 d\u00fcnyas\u0131ndan mahrum etti\u011fin i\u00e7in k\u0131z\u0131yorum sana.\u00a0K\u0131z\u0131yorum\u00a0ama\u00a0seni g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00a0o\u00a0sabahlar,\u00a0 g\u00fcne\u015fimin\u00a0senin yan\u0131nda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u00e7ocuk gibi utanga\u00e7 kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 zamanlarda da\u011f\u0131l\u0131yor ruhumun i\u00e7indeki kara bulutlar.\u00a0Seni g\u00f6rmekle o yemye\u015fil ormanlar\u0131n \u00e7am kokular\u0131n\u0131n nem kokular\u0131n\u0131n o dinginlik ve serinli\u011finin burnunum\u00a0h\u00fczmelerinden en\u00a0derinlere sald\u0131r\u0131p beni ac\u0131tarak sevmesi ve sevdirmesi\u00a0bir oluyor kendi sinesini.<\/p>\n
Senin dedi\u011fin bu de\u011fil\u00a0mi zaten.\u00a0Ac\u0131 yoksa\u00a0zevkte\u00a0yok.\u00a0Daha fazla\u00a0sevmezsen,\u00a0daha fazla d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmezsen militan olmazsan savunmazsan u\u011fruna kan d\u00f6kmezsen ne anlam\u0131 vard\u0131 sessizce b\u00fcy\u00fcyen k\u0131t\u0131rdayan yapra\u011f\u0131n.\u00a0\u00d6yle ya.\u00a0Ye\u015filse en ye\u015fili olmal\u0131yd\u0131.\u00a0Sana yak\u0131n olmak ruhuna s\u0131zmak bunu emrediyordu.\u00a0Ate\u015fler i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7ip kendi teninden\u00a0kurutulup<\/b>\u00a0ye\u015file\u00a0d\u00f6nmekti\u00a0ama\u00a0
Ah\u00a0hep\u00a0\u00e7ocuk kalacaks\u0131n\u00a0de\u011fil mi?<\/p>\n
Hep\u00a0hoyrat hep u\u00e7ar\u0131 d\u00fcnya senin etraf\u0131nda\u00a0m\u0131 d\u00f6n\u00fcyor? \u015e\u00f6yle\u00a0\u00e7evir kafan\u0131.\u00a0Bizler kafam\u0131zdaki kurgusal d\u00fcnyada kendi \u00fcretti\u011fimiz kahramanlara a\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131z evet. Ne verir\u00a0isek onlar oynuyor biz seyrediyoruz ama kendi yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u00a0hik\u00e2yeye k\u0131z\u0131p\u00f6fkeleniyoruz.\u00a0Bu\u00a0da bir ger\u00e7ek.<\/p>\n
Evet evet herkes\u00a0dokunur yak\u0131n\u0131ndakine,\u00a0yan\u0131ndakini herkes sevebilir.\u00a0Ger\u00e7ekten sevmek onu lime lime edip i\u00e7ine hapsetmekle olur.\u00a0Benden ve bedenden kurtulmu\u015f ruha a\u015fina olmu\u015f g\u00f6zlerin bak\u0131\u015f\u0131 bile farkl\u0131d\u0131r.\u00a0Ben sende bunu buldum.\u00a0\u00a0Bana bakarken\u00a0incitmekten\u00a0korktun,\u00a0
Hakl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n b\u00f6yle muhte\u015fem bir duygu oldu\u011funu ya\u015famam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m daha \u00f6nce.\u00a0Evet ma\u011flubiyet g\u00fczel ve co\u015fkulu bir\u00a0\u015feymi\u015f.\u00a0Senin kar\u015f\u0131nda haks\u0131z olmak,\u00a0yenilgiye,\u00a0bozguna u\u011framak ne\u00a0harikulade\u00a0bir\u00a0\u015feymi\u015f.\u00a0
Ah ahhh bana haddimi bildiren kad\u0131n,\u00a0sevgi\u00a0de\u011fil\u00a0bu dipsiz\u00a0bir kuyu ve biz ikimiz g\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc bir \u015fekilde o kuyunun dibine do\u011fru ko\u015fuyoruz el ele.<\/p>\n
Bak\u00a0ikinci\u00a0ben sana g\u00fcn\u00fcm g\u00fcne\u015fim dediysem beni yanl\u0131\u015f anlamamal\u0131s\u0131n.\u00a0Bilirsin\u00a0ki g\u00fcne\u015f\u00a0bir da\u011f\u0131 ayd\u0131nlatmaz,\u00a0da\u011f ne kadar\u0131na izin verir\u00a0ise g\u00fcne\u015fin ayd\u0131nlataca\u011f\u0131 o kadard\u0131r.\u00a0\u0130nsanlar diyorum nede \u00e7abuk t\u00fcketiyorlar\u00a0zaman\u0131 ve kendilerini.\u00a0Daha ilk ad\u0131mda ba\u015fl\u0131yor savrulmalar yok\u00a0olu\u015flar.\u00a0Kimse kimseye f\u0131rsat vermiyor.\u00a0Herkes her\u00a0\u015feyi biliyor.\u00a0Herkes\u00a0her \u015feyi tek ba\u015f\u0131na yapabilece\u011fini san\u0131yor. Savrulmalar\u00a0bu y\u00fczden kaybolu\u015flar ve kaybedi\u015fler bu y\u00fczden.\u00a0Herkes her\u00a0\u015feyi yapabiliyor ama nedense i\u015f\u00a0y\u00f6n\u00fc, geminin rotas\u0131\u00a0sevgiye geldi\u011fi zaman\u00a0d\u00f6n\u00fcp dola\u015f\u0131p y\u00f6n\u00fcn\u00fc falan \u015fa\u015f\u0131r\u0131p,\u00a0kimse tek ba\u015f\u0131na sevmekle gurur\u00a0duymuyor.\u00a0Sevmek i\u00e7in iki kahraman olmas\u0131 gereklili\u011fi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi ne kadar s\u0131radan. Tek hareket laz\u0131m efsane olmak i\u00e7in.\u00a0Bak \u015fark\u0131lara \u015fiirlere bak destanlara efsanelere.\u00a0Bak birbirini \u00e7ok seven o zavall\u0131 sevgililere.\u00a0Ni\u00e7in hi\u00e7 kimse\u00a0\u201cben tek ba\u015f\u0131ma seviyorum\u201d\u00a0diye mutlu de\u011fil.\u00a0Neden hi\u00e7 kimse tek ba\u015f\u0131na sevmenin o e\u015fsiz ve engin deryas\u0131nda kula\u00e7\u00a0atmaya yeltenmiyor.\u00a0Sorar\u0131m\u00a0sana\u00a0
\u00a0Ben seni tek ba\u015f\u0131ma seviyorum\u00a0\u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben kahraman\u0131m,\u00a0ben senin kahraman\u0131n\u0131m.\u00a0Sana \u00f6zel, sadece seninle.<\/p>\n
G\u00fcnd\u00fcz kurtuldu\u011fun birinin gece d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcne\u00a0girmesi,\u00a0o\u00a0ac\u0131n\u0131n katlana katlana nas\u0131l b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcn\u00a0geli\u015fti\u011finin\u00a0ve sonunda sahibini katleden bir canavara d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcn ispat\u0131d\u0131r. Ben\u00a0ise\u00a0seni g\u00fcnd\u00fcz\u00a0g\u00fcnd\u00fcz\u00a0\u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcp,\u00a0geceleyin<\/b>\u00a0geceleri,\u00a0gecelerce\u00a0
\u00a0Ne laftan anlar\u0131m ne halden ne\u00a0de senden.<\/p>\n
Ben kendimi bilirim birde beni bilenleri. Gerisi laf\u0131 g\u00fczaft\u0131r. Ben seni \u00f6ld\u00fcrd\u00fcysem vard\u0131r bir sebebi\u00a0elbet. \u00a0Durup durup bana neden yapt\u0131n deme? Su\u00e7lu olsayd\u0131n affederdim\u00a0seni ama gayet iyisin\u00a0sana g\u00f6re, o y\u00fczden yapt\u0131m bunu, senin incinmeni, bu d\u00fcnyan\u0131n ke\u015fmeke\u015fli\u011finin i\u00e7inde yitip gitmeni\u00a0istemedi\u011fim i\u00e7in, anan\u0131n baban\u0131n emanetini gelecek ku\u015faklara rahatl\u0131kla ve y\u0131lar boyu de\u011fil yollar boyu aktarabilmen i\u00e7in,\u00a0bir h\u00fccrenin \u00e7ekirde\u011finden atarak bo\u015flu\u011fa, kurtard\u0131m seni. Bana te\u015fekk\u00fcr etmelisin. Kimseler\u00a0g\u00f6remeyecek\u00a0seni art\u0131k, kimsecikler\u00a0sevemeyecek,\u00a0g\u00f6z\u00a0
\u00a0Tutar\u0131m sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fcnyan\u0131n en karanl\u0131k \u00fclkesinden en koyu siyaha boyayabilirim, g\u00f6zlerini okyanusun en derin \u00e7ukurunun i\u00e7indeki siyah ormanlardan bir yaprakla kapatabilirim. Nas\u0131l\u00a0olsa\u00a0bana aitsin, tek benimsin.\u00a0\u00d6yle de\u011fil mi? \u0130nand\u0131r beni buna. Senin beni sevmi\u015f olma ihtimaline bile ihtiyac\u0131m var.<\/p>\n
Ne g\u00fczel duygu aitlik, aidiyet, birlerine mal olma, sahiplenilmek.<\/p>\n
Ke\u015fke benimde iyelerim olsa iyi\u00a0kilerim olsa. Kanad\u0131m olurdu onlar, t\u00fcy\u00fcm olurdu\u00a0k\u0131lavuzum olurdu. En umutsuz\u00a0an\u0131mda t\u00fcnelin sonundaki \u0131\u015f\u0131k… olurdu onlar.<\/p>\n
Ama ben \u00e7ok yaln\u0131z\u0131m biliyor\u00a0musun \u00f6mr\u00fcm? \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc sensizim ve ne yapaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bilemeyen biriyim.\u00a0Okyanusun ortas\u0131nda y\u00fczme bilmeyen ve gemisi\u00a0batm\u0131\u015f ama karaya vuramam\u0131\u015f tayfalardan biriyim sadece,\u00a0huzurlar\u0131nday\u0131m, sular\u0131nday\u0131m. Huzurun engin sular\u0131nday\u0131m.<\/p>\n
Sizlere Gelecekte G\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmek \u00dczerine Meydan Okuyorum.<\/p>\n
O Arada G\u00f6r\u00fc\u015felim…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
G\u00fcne\u015fimin do\u011fmaya cesaret edemedi\u011fi,\u00a0utan\u0131p s\u0131k\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir\u00a0g\u00fcnde g\u00f6zlerin,\u00a0i\u00e7imi\u00a0\u0131s\u0131t\u0131rcas\u0131na bana\u00a0g\u00fcl\u00fcmsettiler\u00a0ve\u00a0\u201cg\u00fcn hepimize\u00a0de\u00a0ayd\u0131n olsun\u00a0art\u0131k\u201d\u00a0o zaman dedi.\u00a0Buna \u015fa\u015f\u0131ran,\u00a0neden bana\u00a0\u201c\u00f6mr\u00fcm diyorsun\u201d\u00a0dedi.\u00a0\u00d6mr\u00fcm demek ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131 adamakt\u0131r,\u00a0onunla\u00a0var\u00a0olmakt\u0131r, sayg\u0131n\u0131n dolu\u00a0dolu,\u00a0sayg\u0131n\u0131n ve s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z sevginin tarifidir bu kelime. \u00a0Dedi\u00a0ki,\u00a0belki\u00a0de \u00f6mr\u00fcm boyunca s\u00f6ylemek istediklerime yak\u0131\u015f\u0131k alacak birisi kar\u015f\u0131ma \u00e7\u0131kmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7indir.\u00a0\u0130\u00e7imde\u00a0b\u00fcy\u00fcyen,\u00a0kendi kendine serpilen,\u00a0o ma\u011faran\u0131n i\u00e7indeki y\u0131lan\u0131n s\u00f6zleridir bunlar ne dersin?\u00a0Hem\u00a0sen bendeki t\u00fcm g\u00fczelliklerin kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 de\u011fil\u00a0misin?\u00a0T\u00fcm zevklerim t\u00fcm renklerim t\u00fcm\u00a0sevin\u00e7lerim […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":138479,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-139169","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-safak-genc"],"views":51,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mersingazetesi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/139169","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mersingazetesi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mersingazetesi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mersingazetesi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/17"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mersingazetesi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=139169"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mersingazetesi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/139169\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":139170,"href":"https:\/\/mersingazetesi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/139169\/revisions\/139170"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mersingazetesi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/138479"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mersingazetesi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=139169"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mersingazetesi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=139169"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mersingazetesi.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=139169"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}