Otob\u00fcsteki o gen\u00e7 adam\u0131n sesi h\u00e2l\u00e2 kulaklar\u0131mda yank\u0131lan\u0131yor:<\/p>\n
\u201cBen tipsizim o y\u00fczden aldat\u0131lamam.\u201d \u0130lk durakta inip gitti, arkas\u0131nda b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 c\u00fcmle ise bir felsefi ta\u015f gibi a\u011f\u0131rla\u015ft\u0131 i\u00e7imde. Aldat\u0131labilmek i\u00e7in \u00f6nce bir \u201cevet\u201d gereklidir; o \u201cevet\u201d ise baz\u0131lar\u0131na nasip olmaz. \u00c7irkin erkek i\u00e7in sadakatsizlik, eri\u015filemez bir l\u00fckst\u00fcr; bir nevi yoklu\u011fun l\u00fcks\u00fc.<\/p>\n
\u0130nsan ruhu, yaralar\u0131n\u0131 en derin yerden al\u0131r. \u0130li\u015fki denen o k\u0131r\u0131lgan k\u00f6pr\u00fc, iki ucunda iki farkl\u0131 g\u00f6lge ta\u015f\u0131r: Biri cinselli\u011fin ate\u015fli, ge\u00e7ici f\u0131rt\u0131nas\u0131; di\u011feri duygular\u0131n sessiz, kemirgen s\u0131z\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131. Hangisi daha \u00e7ok kanat\u0131r? Cevap, cinsiyetin eski ma\u011faralar\u0131ndan do\u011far.<\/p>\n
Erkek, evrimsel bir bek\u00e7i gibi, m\u00fclkiyetin haritas\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7izer. Kad\u0131n\u0131, avland\u0131\u011f\u0131 topra\u011f\u0131n s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 idrar\u0131yla i\u015faretleyen bir kurt misali g\u00f6r\u00fcr. Ba\u015fka bir avc\u0131n\u0131n o topra\u011fa girmesi, k\u0131l\u0131c\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7ektiren tek ihlaldir. Cinsel aldatma, onun i\u00e7in bir istila, bir gasp; duygusal ba\u011f\u0131n kaymas\u0131 ise uzak bir sis gibidir, g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcr ama yaralamaz.<\/p>\n
Erkek a\u011flamaz derler ya, o s\u00f6z\u00fcn alt\u0131nda yatan, duygular\u0131n yabanc\u0131 bir dil olu\u015fudur. Bast\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f hisler, yabanc\u0131 topraklarda \u00e7i\u00e7ek a\u00e7maz. Bu y\u00fczden erkek, e\u015finin ba\u015fka birine \u00e2\u015f\u0131k olmas\u0131n\u0131 de\u011fil, bedeninin ba\u015fkas\u0131na a\u00e7\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 affetmez. Ara\u015ft\u0131rmalar da bunu f\u0131s\u0131ldar: Heteroseks\u00fcel erkeklerin yar\u0131s\u0131ndan fazlas\u0131, cinsel sadakatsizli\u011fi duygusal olandan daha y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 bulur.<\/p>\n
Kad\u0131n ise ba\u015fka bir \u00e2lemde ya\u015far. Onun i\u00e7in a\u015fk, bir nehir yata\u011f\u0131d\u0131r; duygusal ak\u0131\u015f kesilirse, beden zaten kurumaya mahk\u00fbmdur. \u201cErkektir, yapar,\u201d atas\u00f6z\u00fc, cinselli\u011fin affedilebilirli\u011fini ta\u015f\u0131r ama kalbin ihaneti affedilmez. Kad\u0131n, partnerinin ba\u015fka bir ruha a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duydu\u011funda, kendi varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n silindi\u011fini hisseder.<\/p>\n
Ara\u015ft\u0131rmalar burada da net: Kad\u0131nlar\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00e7o\u011funlu\u011fu, duygusal aldatmay\u0131 cinsel olandan daha a\u011f\u0131r bir darbe sayar. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc cinsellik bir anl\u0131k f\u0131rt\u0131na olabilir; duygusal ba\u011f\u0131n kopmas\u0131 ise \u00f6m\u00fcrl\u00fck bir k\u0131\u015f.<\/p>\n
Ama as\u0131l trajedi, g\u00f6r\u00fcnmeyende gizlidir. Aldat\u0131lmak, insan\u0131 aynaya zorlar. \u201cBende ne eksik?\u201d sorusu, bir han\u00e7er gibi d\u00f6ner durur. Aldatan\u0131n amac\u0131 bellidir: Bulunmayan\u0131 aramak, tamamlanmayan\u0131 tamamlamak. \u0130nsan, m\u00fckemmeliyet\u00e7i bir varl\u0131k; \u201ca\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u201d dese de, yar\u0131n daha iyisini g\u00f6r\u00fcrse yine yol al\u0131r. Bu, hayat\u0131n bize kurdu\u011fu k\u0131s\u0131r d\u00f6ng\u00fcd\u00fcr.<\/p>\n
Fakat duygusal aldatma, a\u015fk\u0131n s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 a\u015far. Ailede, dostlukta, karde\u015flikte bile ayn\u0131 yara a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131r: G\u00fcvenin sessiz \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fc\u015f\u00fc.<\/p>\n
Cinsel ihanet, zamanla bir yara izi olabilir; unutulmasa da kabuk ba\u011flar. Duygusal ihanet ise kemiklere i\u015fler; iyile\u015fmez, sadece ac\u0131s\u0131 k\u00fcllenir. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc o, ruhun en derin ma\u011faras\u0131nda yank\u0131lanan bir yaln\u0131zl\u0131kt\u0131r.\u00a0O ma\u011faraya hapsolmu\u015f sinsi bir y\u0131land\u0131r ve ma\u011faran\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n a\u00e7\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 bekler her daim.<\/p>\n
Ve i\u015fte otob\u00fcsteki gencin ironik zaferi: Aldat\u0131lamamak. \u00c7irkinlik denen o kalkan, asl\u0131nda bir m\u00fcnzevi s\u0131\u011f\u0131na\u011f\u0131d\u0131r. Kimse \u201cevet\u201d demezse, kimse \u201chay\u0131r\u201d da diyemez. \u0130hanet l\u00fcks\u00fc, reddedilenlere bah\u015fedilen ac\u0131mas\u0131z bir ayr\u0131cal\u0131kt\u0131r. G\u00fczellik kap\u0131lar\u0131 a\u00e7ar, \u00e7irkinlik\u00a0ise onlar\u0131 sonsuza dek kapat\u0131r ve belki de bu kapal\u0131l\u0131kta bir t\u00fcr huzur vard\u0131r. Kimse seni se\u00e7mezse, kimse seni terk edemez.<\/p>\n
Yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ortas\u0131nda, bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceyle ba\u015f ba\u015fa kal\u0131yorum: Aldat\u0131lmak m\u0131 yoksa aldat\u0131lamamak m\u0131 daha a\u011f\u0131r? Belki de as\u0131l yara, \u201cistenmemi\u015f\u201d olman\u0131n ebedi sessizli\u011fidir.<\/p>\n
Sevgiyle, muhabbetle ve o derin yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n dinginli\u011finde kal\u0131n.<\/p>\n